Dear YECians,

It took me so much courage to type this letter for you guys,

and in a way i thank god that most (or none) of you bother to know my blog URL.

Remembering 2 years back when i first joined Jurong Spring,

and took over you guys from Seah.

I had such a bad time.

Most of you are so attached with Seah,

hence literally making me feel left out.

Well, if i were to think that things are better now?

then i must be NAIVE + STUPID.

just like any of you guys,

im also a YOUTH, and i also have my WORK to strive,

 my FAMILY to love,

 my FRIENDS to catch up

and even my RELATIONSHIP to maintain.

do you guys even know about it?

*smirk* i doubt you cared.

"Volunteers" are installed in your mind and bones i guess?

and yes, i know.

all the staffs in PA knows how important and GREAT u guys are to us.

sad to say,

its the CRUEL fact that we cannot afford to operate without you guys.

if i could choose::

i will do all the minutes myself.

i will conduct the meeting by myself to myself.

i will raise my hand and say, "Yes, i will be there" myself.

i will organise and RUN all the events by myself.

i will design the posters and attract the participants myself.

i will contact the suppliers and follow up all the admin work myself.

i will appoint myself to be the chairman, treasurer and general sect myself.

i will sign all the cheques and documents myself.

i will file and maintain all the office documents myself.

i will answer to all the questions of YEC myself.

i will shelter all the arrows myself.

oh. think abt it?

which of the following are already taking place? HAH!

how many times did i had to faced my managers (FYI, they are the ones who appraised me), my CCMC chairman and other committees ALONE,

 while you are enjoyed ur personal time behind? 

like seriously,

after all that i did for you guys..

i never once expected something in return. 

to protect you guys and minimise your workload

had been my first pirority eversince then first day. 

like i totally heck care my manager UPFRONT tells me that she cant give me good grades as she CANNOT see any events/activites/contribution for my committee.

but, what did i get back in return? 

not only did you guys NOT treat me as your staff-in-charge,

i was no where near your friend. 

who actually asked me along for their birthday parties? 

if i remembered clearly, Seah was always the one invitied.

dont tell me those nonsense that you invitied by i did not go.

put ur palm on ur heart and ask,

"why would she not turn up?"

Why would i wanna turn up and sit like an idiot in the corner where everyone jokes and gather in a circle?

like all humans, i choose the better way out for myself. 

there's no way i can blend into the committee as your friend.

the girls are all building a barrier inbetween, 

giving me the feeling that im not worth being your friend. 

the guys? as friends? as members? 

that i don't know. 

many a times i envy Alicia.

the bond she share with her committee is something i yearn for.

but i know, its never going to happen to me. 

never anywhere near my life in Jurong Spring. 

back then,

Chunkiat was my pillar.

he was there as a chairman, a member and a friend. 

he would turn up occassionally at CC to give a helping hand.

he will also give my advices everytime i faced any problems in cc.

i dont need to remind myself that he is having his honeymoon period with this girlfriend and i should understand his position.

yar yar, i do understand.

who could have know these better than me right?

Well, a reply on MSN/sms/whatsapp/email couldn't be anyhow difficult right?

to any of you,

its just a normal reply.

to me, did you ever know the consequences that i might face?

you can ignore, of course you can.

but can i ignore the fact that i need to REPORT to my superiors?

you sincerely have no idea.

Looking at my committee?

its just a batch of disperse sands.

they are together only during once a month, for that 2 hrs mind you.

oh! and times where they turn up together for each other's bday.

other times?

they are no where to be heard.

literally,

as their youth staffs i need to BEG them for anything.

BEG them for replies?

BEG them to sell tickets?

BEG them to represent YEC during events & activites.  (like they care!)

BEG them to come for free dinner @ cc.

BEG them to be active.

BEG them to sign important documents.

so as a summary,

my job scope as a Youth Staff:::::::;

is to BEG them.

how nice right?

im pouring out, cause im tired.

tell me or teach me on how NOT to be tired?

will you?

i can't move on anymore.

or rather, i do not want to move on anymore,

at least with you guys...

im not backing out cause its too tedious

and obviously its NOT like i did not make any effort.

i certainly do not do anything to deserve these.

its simply because,

i do not want to deteroiate any of our bonds any further.

i will stop having expectation from any of you guys,

to save myself from being anyhow hurt again.

Therefore,

to all of you in my committee,

goodbye.

and take care.

Signing Off,

Someone who tried hard and choose to give up gradaully.

Justine~~~~~~~~~